Suicide Prevention Week 2008

It seems that our calendar is filled with observances for every possible cause and occasion. Some are noble; Sept. 15 is “International Day of Democracy.” Some are silly; Sept. 19 is “International Talk Like a Pirate Day.” In any event, there are so many of these occasions on the calendar that it is hard to give any of them serious attention. So, it is with great trepidation that I come to write something for “Suicide Prevention Week,” September 7-13.

For those who have lived through a suicide of a family member or friend, every discussion of suicide is both serious and personal. It’s not a joke, and it’s not just another mandatory “here’s something good for you” lecture.

Let me share with you something that is ultimately personal. Some years ago, a member of my extended family killed himself. His wife had died after a painful struggle with cancer and he did not cope well with either her illness or her death. He had visible bouts of anger and depression. He used alcohol to numb the pain of his grief. He lost weight. He stopped caring about how he or his home appeared. He became withdrawn and isolated from family and friends. In the end, he shot himself with a handgun he kept at the house. Anyone who has attended a suicide prevention class could tell you the warning signs that are obvious in this story. In fact, they’re probably pretty obvious without any training at all. I knew all of these things, and yet I was still surprised when I received the phone call telling me of his death.

There’s a little voice inside each of us that whispers a lie in our ears. It tells us that suicide is something that happens in someone else’s family or some other person’s organization. It’s always easier to believe the lie than the truth, but the consequences can be devastating.

The steps we need to take are simple enough: Ask – Care – Escort. When a buddy looks like he’s lost the ability to cope with life, ask the hard question. Care for those who need your help. When a buddy needs more assistance than you can give, escort him or her to someone who can provide the help they need (and always err on the side of safety). Taking these steps, however, requires us to break free from the stranglehold of self-deception.

I pray that your family and friends are all coping well with life’s ups and downs, but if they are not, I pray that you do not listen to the voice telling you that there is no problem. Instead, I pray that you hear the voice telling you that a friend is in trouble and needs your help. Your caring intervention may make the difference between life and death for someone close to you.

Related:
On Combat Stress and PTSD
Helping Friends Cope with Trauma